TCX--He Calls Me Chosen

I was stressed.  I had just gotten accepted into a Master’s level program at my university under the condition that I finish one of my classes with a particular grade.  On top of that, I was training for a half-marathon, working full-time as a resident assistant, compiling a portfolio for my second major with the Honors Program, and attending weekly Cru meetings and Bible studies.  After receiving a lower-than-expected grade on an exam in that essential, potentially life-altering class, I broke down.  I got into my car and screamed with all my might at God.  “Why won’t you take my anxiety away?!  Do you not know I need you?!”  I knew the heart of my issue was anxiety.  I have always masked the discomfort of my fear of failure with busyness and when that fails me, as it always does, I am left with even more disappointment.

That memory, although a particular example, is one of countless times when I have fallen deeply into the grips of anxiety.

As we talked about identity, promises, and rest in the sessions today, I was reminded that God has promised me a new identity in Him because of what Jesus did for me on the cross.  I do not need to worry and stress about what others think of me and the worth assigned to my accomplishments or the shame that I have been conditioned to have because of my failures.  God calls me chosen.  My identity is in Christ alone and the new life I have been given as a child of God.

God revealed to me my inability to free myself from my own sins.  As I look back at that memory in the car, I can now see how what I needed is quality sabbath rest.  Filling my schedule has only been a bandaid for my anxiety; it has been a way for me to fix my problem on my own, apart from God, rather than truly trusting in Him to help me.  God has told us repeatedly how important it is to take time to just be with him and be restored, but I have conveniently ignored those teachings.  He is the only one who can bring me real comfort and rest and He will not fail me, unlike all of the busyness.

I have learned that I need to practice being still and consciously setting aside time every week to be restored and to truly rest.

God deserves my time and my trust.  He has told me that I need to rest and I will strive to honor His teaching because he knows my heart and my needs better than I do.  He has asked that I turn to Him for rescuing, rather than trying to rescue myself…  The burden is off.