Letter 3: Be Transparent

Dear Me,

A couple of months ago, a close, honest, and truly loving friend told me the strangest thing.  She was kidding around, as we often do; I am sure that she did not even mean for the comment to stick, but it has.  It has stuck to my heart as a constant reminder and compass for my actions.  As soon as it set in, my thoughts turned to you.  How I wish that YOU, my 18 year-old self, could hear it. 

She said, in between jokes and laughs,

“You know, before I really knew you, I thought you were so polished.  I thought you had your life all together.” 

It caught me off guard.  It really did.  Before you knew me?  HA.  All I could do was laugh.  What is that supposed to mean?!  What does she think about me now?  Of course I thought that.  Of course that is where my mind went.  But here’s the thing:  The defensiveness was short lived because I knew exactly what she meant. 

 I don’t think that you do though...at least not quite yet.  I wish that you did.  Let me try to explain it to you.

When you came to college, you brought with you a certain identity.  You created an identity for yourself in high school as one of the girls who did everything.  You did well in school, you had good friends, and you were an athlete.  You didn’t realize it, but these things defined you and in them, you found your worth.  

You no longer see those friends and school is getting harder.  You aren’t going to make the sports teams here.  That identity that you created cannot support itself here.  I know you are trying though.  You are trying to hold onto that sense of worth but I know it is getting harder as you struggle to find out what defines you now.  But you would never admit this.  Not in a million years.

You don’t feel that there is any room for you to be vulnerable.  You can’t open up to the people around you because you don’t even know who you are right now.  Before, you could make mistakes and then reassure yourself with thoughts like, “at least they know I have other friends,” or, “at least they know I typically do well in sports,” or, “at least they know that I don’t usually fail these tests.”  But now, you can’t do that.  These people don’t know anything about you or your history.  You are finding your worth in them and their perceptions of you.  You are pulling yourself together, refusing to let your flaws show, because if anyone saw them, you would become defined by what they choose to believe about you. 

Let me tell you a secret:  Changing how people see you will not change who you are.  It does not work. 

Any identity that you try to create for yourself will fail.  I say this without a quiver in my voice or any sense of doubt.  It will fail.  You are so much more than this crumbling brick building that you have so carefully painted over.  Your paint will peel. 

Do not be afraid of your weaknesses.  Do not be afraid of admitting them to those around you.   You are not perfect and you are not expected to be.  Your identity is in the Lord who created you and knows you better than you know yourself.   Your weaknesses give Him opportunities to shine brightly in you; they allow him to be the cement that so firmly holds that crumbling brick building together. 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weaknesses. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

When you focus on who you are in Christ and begin identifying yourself by how He sees you, as perfect, flawless, and worth dying for, you can stop trying to maintain your perfect act.  You can take off your mask and allow God to step in and truly change you from the inside, out.  Your weaknesses highlight your need for God and pretending that you have your life together is not an accurate representation of His true restorative love and power.  Only He can piece your life together.

Trust me when I say that opening up and admitting your faults will not draw you further away from people, as you think that it will.  It will allow you to relate to others in a raw and truly human way that you have never experienced before.   When you open yourself up, you allow others to do the same.  Confess to your friends and confess also to God, so that your weaknesses can be restored and his power can be made known.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

James 5:16

I knew exactly what that friend meant when she said that she thought I had my life together.  She was saying that I had not been representing myself honestly to her before.  I was doing us both an injustice.  That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s one that was necessary for growth.

You were not created to tackle life on your own.  God has placed people in your life that He has prepared to speak truth into your circumstances and encourage you in ways that you never imagined. 

“but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”

Ephesians 4:15-16

Please, you need to open up. 

You need to be transparent.

With your friends. 

With God.
Love,
You